It's strange that out of all the things you know, you feel very few of them for what they are. Truth almost seems like walking in the dark, afraid of something you know isn't there. And because you know they aren't there, and you know you have no reason to be afraid, you can't tell anyone about it.
1. Don't admit to an irrational fear.
Irritation is just as irrational as most of your fears. It's strength is dependent on how much sleep you got last night, and how much stress is controlling your brain. You can't stop it when it comes, but you aren't supposed to let it show. It's like your fears. But irritation has so many excuses, so many that people begin to put them down, assuming that you don't really have any reason at all to feel the way you do.
2. Don't let irritation show.
When you're around people, you've made some sort of barrier for yourself. Certain things won't happen when you have people around you, talking to you, making you listen to conversations regardless of how interesting they are. You can't help but be grateful to them. You can't help but try to smile and look as happy as they feel.
3. Stay around people. It keeps you from crying.
Of course, you can't always be around people. They'd get tired of you. You know this, somewhere deep down inside where you think you all the truths necessary to keep you on that tightrope. You know that if you say around Miss Wonderful, then Miss Wonderful will eventually realize you aren't at all close to the Mediocre you were pretending to be. And you don't want that to happen, because then Miss Wonderful will turn into Miss Helpful, and you don't want to have to learn how to avoid Miss Helpful.
4. Be careful of how long you hide behind your walls.
There will indeed be that time when you are not around people, and Miss Wonderful hasn't yet turned into Miss Helpful. This means you're just alone. Being alone can be a good thing. You can cry. And no one will ever know or ask if they should get Miss Helpful.
5. Take avantage of being alone.
6. If interrupted while crying, tell them your eyes are red because you swallowed something funny and had a coughing fit. Or got something in your eye. And it hurt a lot.
Hugs are a great way to tell people you're feeling better than what you can't hide from your eyes. As long as it's full of exuberance and excitement to be hugging the person, they'll reluctantly assume that you really are as fine as you say, and that must have been a heck of a something in your eye.
7. Hug people a lot.
If you hug someone after you have just finished crying, you will probably start crying again. If you have control over this, you can stop again before you look up, granted the hug is a few seconds long. If this is not possible, you are in an unwelcome situation.
8. Don't hug anyone just after you're done crying.
When people say they want to know, and that you really should talk to them when you need to, sometimes they don't mean it. Sometimes their problems are worse than yours and it's not fair to rant while they're going through something you can't even reasonably compare to. They'll never tell you that themselves, so you have to make that distinction.
9. Be careful who you really can rant to.
10. If someone needs you, never turn them down. You never matter more than they do.
Frustration is part of life. You will be told this your entire life. It's best if you start getting used to it now. Nobody likes it when you complain. Sometimes you can even turn it around and make it work for you. That's the best way to handle problems anyway. Sometimes that's not the easiest thing, and it's okay to go to your room and cry if you need to. Just don't let anyone find out, because you won't be able to explain without sounding like you're being pathetic.
11. Get over it.
Talking helps. It's also okay to talk to yourself if you need to. You know why you say things better than anyone else, and it takes other people so long to figure you out.
12. Rant even if no one will ever read it.
13. When something hurts you, it's okay. These things happen.
14. You are never the most important.
15. School is a good way to distract yourself. Work hard.
16. Care more about your teachers and the people around you than your grade. Remember, the people around you keep you from trying.
17. Go outside. Safer place to cry than indoors.
18. Write.
19. Procrastination kills.
It matters what people say about you, but you have to be careful of what you take to heart. Remember that people say they have a higher opinion of you than they really do. That's okay, because it's good to be able to see yourself in the correct light. If you look smart, it will help you feel better about yourself. But you don't have to look smart if you sound smart. Sometimes not talking makes you sound smarter than if you do.
20. It's all going to be okay.
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