Jump

"You're going to fall."

"I am not." I grab the edge of the bridge angrily. The water looks angry and dark below me, daring me to leap.

"Yes. You will. I can see it in your eyes."

She sounds sad, standing somewhat off, her voice strained and tense.

"I won't fall," I repeat. The black waves look so inviting, so tempting.

"Don't. Please don't." 

I curse myself softly. If she cries now...

"Come and stop me," I growl, still not meeting her eyes. It's beautiful, the water is. I close my eyes against the lure.

"Don't," she says again, and my chest tightens at the break in her voice.

I don't answer. I don't trust myself to.

"Stay here," she cries. I can hear the desperation, the fear. "Stay with me. Please don't fall."

"I have to," I say, detachedly. I can't make her understand. The rain is painful now, driving into my wrists like ice.

"No," she says brokenly.

I glance over at her. She looks as she always does. Beautiful, terrified, fragile. Her arms are crossed tightly over her chest. The word NEED is etched across her forehead. That's the only thing that changes about her. The word. Last time it said ECHO. Before that it was LOVE.

She's not crying. That surprises me every time. She looks afraid.

"I have to," I repeat.

"Stay with me," she whispers. I can barely hear her voice.

"I can't."

I look back down at the water. It's so beautiful, so cold, so black...

Suddenly, she's by my side. Nothing scares me more than the idea she might touch me. But she does, she always does. She places her skeletal fingers on my arm, and they burn with an unbelievable cold.

"Please," she says, pleadingly.

I meet her frightened eyes one last time.

"No," I say. And I jump.

The water sears me with an indescribable cold. I feel so alive, so alive I may die. I can't see. I will drown... but I'm going home.

I open my eyes to the painful white of the hospital room. There she is, standing next to me, her eyes large, terrified, beautiful. She tries to smile.

"You made it," she whispers.

"Again," I say.

She bites her lip. She's afraid, just as I am, that one of these times, I'll choose to stay with her in my tortured mind. One of these times, I won't jump.