Monday Nights

You were always taller than me. So much taller, and I would have to stand on my tiptoes if I ever hugged you around the neck.

My ADD is a constant companion, especially on nights when I need to get something done. Tonight it's math, and tonight it's not really night but very early morning. Maybe three. Maybe later. It's been one hour since I stopped being tired, and I have an hour at best until the caffeine crash kicks in. Math. Focus. Math.

I write down a formula. Something simple. "A squared plus B squares equals C squared." I have to replace the variables with constants, like how you mix ingredients together to make cookies. I ate all the cookies already. I was thinking ahead this time, I made cookies a half hour before I remembered the math I hadn't done. I smile, wondering if you'd be proud of me making cookies before even knowing I needed them.

Math.

Math is one of those subjects that gets increasingly hard to concentrate on the later it gets. Some things you can just mindlessly copy down and pretend you aren't plagiarizing anything. Plagiarism? No, I didn't plagiarized anything. Why would you ask? It's too hard to spell, much less accomplish...

Concentration doesn't happen often enough for me to plagiarize anyway. I just make things up. They're far more interesting my way.

Math...

Find three consecutive multiples of 4... this isn't even hard math. I blame my current distraction on the old grandfather clock that's ticking away cheerfully as if it doesn't know I'm trying very hard to do my math. Math is hard enough to do without that tick-tick-tick back there. The first tick is louder than the second and they alternate, back and forth, back and forth, like a sort of gong destined to drive me insane.

Yesterday I spent an hour and a half in the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror, trying to figure out how to raise my right eyebrow.

The clock rings at me to tell me it's three thirty in the morning. The noise startles me and I drop my pencil under the desk. While I am searching in the dark for my pencil, I come across my phone which I lost three days ago. Once you called me while I was doing math and you were bored and I was trying very hard not to say something ADDish. But you said something about height, and I burst out with my thoughts on being short and hugging you. And I made you laugh.

I find my pencil and crawl back into my chair. My caffeine is wearing off and I try very hard not to fall asleep on my books. Math. Math. Math. The grandfather clock starts ticking to those four letters, and this amuses me for awhile and I forget about my math.

Its sort of funny how easily I am distracted. Having ADD helps me laugh at my ADD. I don't know why. I rarely make sense. But I am never bored with myself, even if I can't hold a conversation for more than three sentences.

Math!

I notice with surprise I only have to work one more problem. No more cookies, no more caffeine, and I'm so relieved to finally sleep that I don't care about the three hours of sleep I'll get.

This makes me laugh.