Our Song

We have a song, you know. Did you know that? You showed it to me when I first met you, when we were still trying to learn who the other person was. I didn't listen to it at first, I thought it was just some song. I didn't think it meant anything.

You sent it to me several times before I finally broke down and listened to it. I don't know why I was so set against listening to it before. You sent it with a message that said "Guess who this reminds me of." The picture on the front of the song was a baby, so I blindly assumed it reminded you of my baby sister. So I didn't feel a great need to listen to it.

I did finally listen to it. The music started playing and I leaned back and half-heartedly watched the colors dance across the screen.

You're better than the best...

I blinked and something inside me squashed and I don't know if I smiled or gaped.

I'm lucky just to linger in your light...

I listened to the entire song, smiling uncontrollably the whole time. My brother came in and asked what was so funny, but I closed the window and pretended nothing was out of the ordinary. When he left, I listened to it again... and again... and again...

I texted my friend and told her about the song. She said "Awwwwww" and that almost described my feelings.

That night I told you that I listened to the song. We talked late that night, past midnight, before you said I should get to bed. I left, and the song kept playing in my head.

Cooler than the flip side of my pillow... that's right...

The days went on and the song appeared in your status many times. When did we start calling it our song? I don't know for sure. I think you said it first, and it made me smile to death but I didn't draw attention to it. A few days later, I said, "I'm listening to our smile song," and you said "Our song," and I know you were smiling.

Completely unaware... nothing can compare to where you send me...

Valentine's day came around and I was still singing our song. We were still talking every day, and every day my world got a little bit brighter, a little bit sunnier. I didn't tell you this, I kept it to myself and glowed in my secret.

You gave me a card that day and I opened it and it said, word for word:

You're special
Some people are the gift of a lifetime
I'm so glad you're part of mine
Happy Valentine's Day

And then you signed your name at the bottom. That was almost three months ago and I still have the card.

And the moments when my good times start to fade...

Each week was something new for me. I still didn't say to you what you had said to me. That was almost three months ago. The most I said was that I liked you, didn't I? That was all I specifically said. You knew other things, like that I looked forward to seeing you, that you were special to me. I didn't say things like that, though. I said I liked you.

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed, sing like a bird, dizzy in my head...

One Wednesday, I saw you at church for something other than church.  We walked around and we talked and we laughed and we were like best friends, even though we still didn't know each other that well. It was so easy to be around you, so easy to laugh, so easy. It was easier being around you than it was being around friends I had known forever. Why was that?

That day was the first day you ever hugged me. You said, "I still owe you a hug," and I said "Yes, you do," and you said, "Would you like a hug?" and I smiled and said yes and you hugged me.

"Thank you," I said. And I smiled.

Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night...

Thursday of that week was the most horrible day I had had in a long time. Friday was worse. I didn't play our song that weekend.

It was still our song. We didn't say it anymore, but it was still our song.

I saw you Sunday and neither of us were very happy. I only saw you a few minutes that day. You said the new rule was horrible and you hated it. I said I was sorry and you shrugged.

You had to leave early, and you hugged me quick and then got up and left. I watched you leave and I was sorry. You came back because you forgot something, and you hugged me again and left. I pretended you had forgotten something on purpose just to hug me twice.

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breath, shine like gold, buzz like a bee...

We started emailing after awhile. That month was harder and I fell apart several times. It was still our song, but we didn't say it anymore. I wondered if you still remembered that it was still our song. I was afraid to ask.

Just the thought of you can drive me wild... Oh, you make me smile...

That month was when I started realizing something, but I didn't admit it, even to myself.

Even when you're gone, somehow you come along...

It started to hurt me when our song played and I couldn't go and talk to you. I couldn't say, "I was thinking of this song and it reminded me of you and I  have seventeen things to tell you about." It hurt, so I closed our song from my mind and didn't listen to it.

I still knew all the words, and sometimes I would wake up singing it.

Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack...

The days went on and we stopped emailing. That month was over and I was in a horrible mood for several days. Maybe a week. Maybe more than a week. I missed you and it hurt and I turned it into writing. My writing boomed.

One Saturday, we were together at the church for several hours working. When we finished, we had an hour to ourselves, and that was something unheard of. We sat together and we talked and we didn't talk and we talked about things that weren't important. We went outside together and walked around and still we talked and didn't talk and nothing was said that would make a difference.

And just like that, you steal away the rain and just like that...

We came back inside and I knew you'd have to leave soon and we were standing by each other and were quiet. I looked up at you and very very quietly asked for a hug.

And then you hugged me and I think it was the best hug I've ever received.

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed, sing like a bird, dizzy in my head, spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night...

We said goodbye and you hugged me one more time and whispered three words to me.

Two weeks passed, and we went on a bike ride. Those are good because we get to be alone-ish and we get to talk. We talked about everything. We talked about what came to mind. We left out a lot of words. We thought of things to say and we didn't say them. We smiled. We laughed. We are friends.

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breath, shine like gold, buzz like a bee... just thought thought of you can drive me wild... Oh, you make me smile...

Sunday, May 2, 2010 was a good day.

Don't know how I lived without you...

We're waiting now, taking each day as it comes, waiting to see how we turn out, waiting to see where we'll be in ten years. And it's still our song.

 'cause every time that I get around you, I see the best of me inside your eyes... Oh you make me smile... You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe, shine like gold, buzz like a bee, just the thought of you can drive me wild...

It's still our song.